But, why would God pick up ALL of our tears? Does He pick them up even when we are angry with Him? To me, that didn't make much sense. I mean, for me, tears derive from pain and sorrow and/or desperately needing God. Are the rest of the emotions (anger, stress, anxiety, guilt) derive from a great need to hear from Him?
Recently, I cried in the altar. While the pastor prayed for my stress and anxiety to go away, I was actually crying out of guilt. I felt guilty. Out of all the emotions I could be feeling in this new phase of my life, guilt was the main emotion I was experiencing.
You see, God has blessed me with a wonderful gift. But instead of seeing it as a blessing, I saw it as an obstacle. In my eyes, the gift was not given at the right time. And to add a cherry on the sundae, I was not sure I even wanted to receive His gift. As a child, I prayed in tears asking God to never give me this gift. And for a long time, I thought that He went through with it. Oh, how wrong was I!
It has been a hard couple of weeks for me. I have had to cope with the reality of this and accept the responsibility behind His gift. And in this process, I have cried and gotten angry and been stressed....basically, I have not been in my element. And suddenly, I remembered the words "God picks up any type of tear".....even guilt. At the altar, I cried out of guilt but also asked God for forgiveness. I thanked Him for my gift and promised that I would no longer think this way.
I know sometimes, life throws us a curveball that we may or may not be ready for. But if there is anything that I have learned in these past weeks is that there is nothing given to us that we cannot handle. I know that God picked up my guilty tears to show me that He loves me regardless of my thoughts and emotions. I hope that these guilty tears will soon become a part of a bigger volume of tears. In the process, the guilt tears will begin to dissipate and eventually, become negligible compared to the tears of joy for God's love.
