You know, it has been a while since I have written anything in the blog. Mainly because life has happened: between moving, feeling sick, and dealing with the demands of life and work, I have not had the time to write. Today, I will talk about what has transpired in the past few months and the conclusion that I got just now. This blog may be subdivided into several parts, so hang in to your seats.
Ever since I moved to Maryland, I have been stressed and unhappy. Don’t get me wrong…I love the people I have met but I have not been happy with my job or the fast-paced lifestyle. My husband too has been unhappy about the same things. When I started my job, two months had not passed when I started to seek something else. I was desperate. I wanted to do a job I loved. I searched, met with people, and have even had interviews but all the doors seem to close in my face. I was upset. I had always believed that if I help myself first, God could do the rest.
And then, life happened. I found out I was expecting. This was both exciting and nerve-wrecking. I wasn’t ready to embrace motherhood and what it involved. For the first 3 months, I became depressed (yes, that vile word that everyone can relate to and should not allow themselves to be dominated by). I felt trapped. I had always heard from other family members and “friends” that it was my body and that I can abort a child if I wanted to. Those thoughts streamed to my head constantly. Of course, getting rid of it would be easy. I would not have to change my lifestyle and things could go back to normal. Yet, as a newborn Christian, I could not do it. I could not conceive the thought of giving away a gift from God, of rejecting His Love in human form. So, despite my depression and dark thoughts, I decided to keep the baby.
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